You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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