Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
