I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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