Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize