McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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