just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
