wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
