I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
