Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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