If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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