I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They are going to name an STD after you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
