I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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