That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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