R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
