If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
