I got chris browned last night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
