I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
