then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
