WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
