It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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