I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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