I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
