Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
