I puked a lego.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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