You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize