She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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