Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
