god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this just has baby written all over it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
