i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
