i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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