I'm lost and stupid without you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
