Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
