operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
