before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
