Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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