It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
