Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
