yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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