there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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