Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
