Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
