Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
