2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
