guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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