Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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