maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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