I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
