If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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