My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
