I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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