Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
