fuck your aforementioned shoe
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
