think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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