Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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