I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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