I feel like I'm in dance class right now
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
