I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
