Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
