He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
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I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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