my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the condom got lost in my hair
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize