I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
