The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
