I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
