I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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