Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
