vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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