Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
