take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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