my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize