On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
