you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
