BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
