Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
