I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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