Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
